INNER CIRCLE
Your vantage point is unique.
You've had a front row seat to so much life and redemption and ministry, and now you have the front row seat to the pain and exposure of the spiritual abuse or sexual misconduct that has hit your church, and the betrayal and disappointment can feel overwhelming.
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This was the person you supported - the one you trusted. You've made untold sacrifices to see his ministry flourish, and now you've learned this.
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Truth be told, you've probably had a front row seat to more than just this scandal. If you're honest, you may have seen dysfunction growing, shame rising, condemnation becoming more fluent, disrespect running rampant. The reality is that nothing emerges on the surface without roots underground. And you've probably seen - and born the brunt of - much of it yourself.
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Whether you're an assistant, a leadership team member, or a volunteer - we're so sorry you've had to go through this. We're sorry for the loss of innocence, the betrayal of trust, the wounds that run deeper than you know. God is near you in this valley and will bind up your wounds. Don't run from the pain - excusing it or skimming past it - and don't let yourself be consumed by it, either. You've suffered a very real loss, and the debrising may take some time and real investment. God will lead you through this valley. Don't stop short.
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As you begin to sift through the broken pieces, you may find yourself angry, afraid, confused, betrayed, and just plain sad. Your feelings are valid. You are going through something orchestrated by hell itself, and the broken pieces are very real.
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Take heart. God's presence and truth brings healing, and He will be faithful to complete the work He has started in you.
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It will take honesty and courage to face the brokenness, unhealthy patterns, and painful realities that landed you, your pastor - and your church - in this position.
Your pastor or leader misused their position and influence. The abuse of power is devastating, whether it is intentional or not, and a moral failing involving a spiritual leader in a position of authority is never an affair - it's abuse.
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And while that's devastating enough, a church reflects the emotional health of it's pastor, and so where there has been dysfunction in the life of the pastor, there will be dysfunction in the life of the church and its people.
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The proximity you've had to the redemption and impact of the ministry has also exposed you to a strong measure of the dysfunction. Be kind to yourself; have grace with your journey. Allow yourself time to process, grieve, and heal. Processing your questions and pain in a safe community will help; seeing a professional counselor to understand what was good and what was abusive might be helpful, as well.
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Your pastor may or may not have meant to abuse his power and position, but he did. (We cannot know another person's motives.) But if he did it in one area of his ministry, it is highly likely that he did it in other areas, as well. Take the time to identify any places of unhealth or dysfunction. Identifying your hurts and wounds will help you heal and forgive, and help prepare you to move through the stages of grief and healing.
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Your seat was unique, and your healing process will be unique, as well. Let your Good Shepherd lead you beside still waters and restore your soul. It is His honor and delight to heal your heart.
