SPIRITUAL ABUSE
Spiritual leaders are meant to act as shepherds, not manipulators. However, because of the inherent trust we place in pastors, we often disregard or gloss over the misuse of spiritual authority we see, presuming we must be mistaken. Abusers count on this—either knowingly or unknowingly.
It is extremely common for those close to controlling pastors to experience conflicted messages of grace and performance—or notice things that seem outside the character or heart of God and brush off those experiences in an effort to "believe the best."
No one wants to believe their pastor is abusive. And abusers can be extremely charming. Diane Langberg, Ph.D., an expert in trauma and spiritual abuse, says that, "When someone is particularly gifted verbally, has a charismatic personality and is adept with spiritual language it is very easy for us to assume maturity. Spiritual maturity is measured by character, by the fruit of the Spirit of God in a life.​"
- Michael J. Kruger, Bully Pulpit
"Spiritual abuse is when a spiritual leader—such as a pastor, elder, or head of a Christian organization—wields his position of spiritual authority in such a way that he manipulates, domineers, bullies, and intimidates those under him as a means of maintaining his own power and control, even if he is convinced he is seeking biblical and kingdom-related goals.”
If you have experienced charm, manipulation, favoritism, isolation, hyper-focused teaching, performance-based rewards, and/or sexual abuse in the church, you have likely experienced some form of a spiritual abuse. These are just a few of the ways that those who are meant to shepherd God's people, intentionally or unintentionally, cause grave harm.
God grants us all power to serve and bless those around us. And as a society, we grant those in unique roles additional power and unearned trust—people like doctors, lawyers, pastors, and counselors. We trust they will use the power we grant them to bring healing and help. When they use it, instead, for their own purposes—or for harm, that is an abuse of power.
This is not the heart of God for His people. He is full of lovingkindness, and he is never, ever heavy-handed with his sheep. Not once did Jesus use his position as the Son of God to power up on those around him or play on their weaknesses to serve himself—not even with those who wanted to take his life. He has shown us what a good shepherd looks like.
Philippians 2:6-8 says, "In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness. And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death—even death on a cross!"
Those who have been harmed by manipulative or controlling behavior can find rest for their souls out from under such practices. The One who made you and helps you will see you safely through. If we can support you or provide resources for you or your church, please let us know.
He will feed his flock like a shepherd. He will carry the lambs in his arms, holding them close to his heart. He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young.
- Isaiah 40:11 NLT