THOSE IMPACTED

Spiritual abuse will impact each person and church differently, depending on individual circumstances, personal histories, level of involvement, along with many other factors.

The descriptions below highlight those involved in a typical exposure, in which a pastor experiences what is often called a moral failure, a form of clergy sexual abuse. The victim of direct abuse in such cases experiences a unique betrayal, while often sitting in the seat of the whistle-blower or the accused.

But for all of those involved, while it may take some time to grasp, the impact of a pastor abusing their position of trust is far reaching. Your situation may be somewhat different, but those impacted will generally fall within the categories below.

Clergy sexual abuse occurs when a member of the clergy uses their position of trust to engage in an inappropriate relationship with someone they've been entrusted to shepherd or lead.

While all such abuse is harmful, this is most grievous when it involves children and must ALWAYS be reported to legal authorities, regardless of proof of allegations.

VICTIMS

of clergy sexual abuse

Victims of a clergy sexual abuse have experienced substantial grooming to be faithful to their spiritual leaders and to see them as good and holy. The weight of the world has been placed on their shoulders. Often, they've been convinced that seeking help would be an act of betrayal and would destroy the church they love, along with their abuser's ministry. Whether whistle-blowers or victims who've been caught, they've been under the spiritual abuse of power and must be lovingly, patiently, and gently cared for in the most devastating season of their lives.

CONGREGATION

The larger church body, though deeply impacted, will tend to experience the betrayal less viscerally than those in leadership initially. The need for education regarding a spiritual abuse of power (and the reality that clergy sexual abuse is not an affair, if pertinent) is paramount. Special care is needed to help the congregation understand the nature of the imbalance of power. Some might prefer to stay blinded to this rather than give up the image they may have had of a particular leader. Gently but truthfully educating the congregation will be essential for their own healing down the road.

CHURCH LEADERS

Church leaders at every level, whether team leaders, elders, staff members or volunteers, are now in the difficult position of facing betrayal as well as leading their congregation through the aftermath of abuse. Typically, these leaders have been serving long hours and/or lending their names, reputations, vision, and voices to a ministry that has been undermined by sin and spiritual abuse. These leaders need to be informed, prayed for and cared for as they in turn help care for others impacted by the betrayal - and as they relearn healthy church leadership.

EARLY EXITERS

Brave souls involved in an unhealthy or abusive community may recognize red flags significantly before others on staff or within the congregation. Although they sometimes try to effect change from within, they often find they have to step away from the community they love —and because of the nature of controlling cultures, they often lose relationship with those they once considered friends.

INNER CIRCLE

This small group of people closest to the perpetrator, including assistants, partners in ministry, and those who have played a vital support role in the pastor's ministry, may be rocked by this discovery. (This group will vary, depending on the size of the church.) It is very normal to uncover, over time, that manipulation, abuse, and "powering up" have been prevalent in relationships between the pastor/perpetrator and these support people as well.

SPOUSES & FAMILIES

The spouse and families (and sometimes extended families) of both the perpetrator and victim(s) will have their worlds rocked as moral failures and misuse of power is uncovered. Initial responses may vary, but these individuals are facing a deep betrayal of trust, as well as shame and often overwhelming rejection within the church body. Caring for the families of those involved is a tender task.

PASTORS & PERPETRATORS

Whether the perpetrator is the senior pastor or someone else with spiritual authority, this person is in need of truth, counseling, discipline, and care. They have caused deep harm which is difficult to own. While not the primary person in need of care, this person is walking through trauma. Caring for them is best handled outside the church by wise leaders who reject quick apologies, efforts to control the narrative, cheap grace, and any justification for sin.

A truth-filled apology will contain a majestic quality. A concession, on the other hand, will lack that freeing quality. It does more to confuse than heal because it doesn’t name specific wrongs, so you are left feeling unsure of what the wrongdoer is taking responsibility for. A concession is frustrating because it makes you wonder if they really “get it.” And it traps you because refusing to accept the “apology” will likely lead to further tension.

- Wade Mullen

Something's Not Right: Decoding the Hidden Tactics of Abuse NIV