ABUSERS
Pastors who enter into abusive and inappropriate sexual relationships have taken many steps down dark pathways before such actions are exposed. While we are not equipped to judge one another's motives, we know spiritual leaders often engage in such abuse in order to heighten their control, avoid facing their lack, and increase their sense of power, entitlement, and legitimacy.
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Clergy-perpetrated abuse is often enabled and reinforced by those in an enmeshed system, intentionally or unintentionally. Such systems are often unable to recognize their own complicity in the misuse of spiritual power, sometimes both as perpetrators and victims themselves.
Leaders in such systems may struggle to acknowledge specific harms caused by abuse of their positional authority and avoid responsibility for their actions (or those of their staff).
When accused of wrongdoing or misuse of spiritual authority, pastors and clergy may resort to various tactics to divert attention from their actions. They might dismiss the accusations against them or their staff, excuse their actions, belittle victims or accusers, create distance between themselves and any supposed "indiscretions," as well as compare themselves to others, or justify their actions. These tactics are intended to draw attention away from personal wrongdoing, misuse of spiritual authority, and harm.
True repentance requires deep humility, selflessness, and relinquishing positional power, along with the courage and internal fortitude to put their victims above themselves. Systems which have been put in place to foster impressive growth, power, control, influence, or a rare (or singular) mission must be set aside in order to make room for humble repentance, amends, and restitution.
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A genuine apology should first and foremost be private, personal, and thorough, as well as humble, naming and owning specific wrongdowing. An invitation should also be extended to the one harmed to name anything not yet acknowledged or understood. This invitation should be made available to the victim without limits, creating space when they are ready. No victim of clergy-perpetrated abuse should have to fight to be heard or validated. While the pastor or spiritual leader may never be able to repair the wounds their sin caused, they can humbly agree they were harmful with a heart of genuine remorse and lasting repentance.
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“Let not many of you become teachers, my brethren, knowing that as such we will incur a stricter judgment.”—James 3: 1 (NASB)
