top of page
Trip Planning

A Journey Through Moral Failure

A ROADMAP FOR CHURCHES

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

A map gives you the directions to help you get from point A to point B. It’s an invaluable tool to help you find your way in unfamiliar territory. But the truth is, a map contains more than just the right turns. It gives you a picture of the roads, the terrain, the potential detours and intersections that you may face as you’re finding your way. When you approach an intersection, the clear voice from your GPS that says “turn right” is so reassuring.


In the same way, we are promised that the One who loves us and Shepherds us will guide our steps. In fact, Isaiah 43 puts it this way:


When you’re walking in the way you’ll hear a voice behind you saying, “to the left, to the right this is the way – walk in it.”


Our prayer for this road map is to outline important steps in the journey from discovery to healing, and to show the intersections a church will face so they can seek God’s direction and guidance from an informed place.

DISCOVERY

Weeks 1 - 4

The initial discovery that a moral failure has occurred is a devastating trauma on a number of levels: emotionally, relationally, spiritually – and your people will find themselves rocked on deep levels as they begin the journey of facing and grieving this trauma.

 

Rallying Cries at the Discovery Phase:

  • This wasn’t a surprise to God.

  • His strength and His grace are enough.

​

Needs:

  • HELP. You’ve never walked this way before and you need help. Ask for it, lean into it – for you and your people.

  • Hour-by-hour, day-by-day, announcement-by-announcement tracks to get through the shock of this phase. This is help we can offer. We have sample announcements, letters, information dissemination, etc. to help you through these vulnerable first few weeks.

  • Samples of how other churches have approached this trauma-succession would be helpful.

  • Gentle shepherding and dealing with the truth for all tiers – from the families and staff members at ground zero to occasional attenders of your church. They’ll need space to grieve, safety to process, elders to shepherd and forge the path forward in worship

  • Immediate support and care for all tiers of those impacted.

  • Immediate steps for care and restoration of the victim needs to be set in place. Rely on help from those who’ve gone this way before. (This is help we can offer.)

  • Coordinated plan for the pastor’s restoration with the denomination.

  • Understanding of key reality of the inherent power differential… the Abuse of Pastoral Power. For all the pain & wounds that have hit their lives, this isn’t an affair.

  • Initial SWAT care: meals for victim, another church for the pastor, KNOWING support to help both families; space and care for inner circle; counseling provided for victim, her family, and inner circle.

 

 

Detours:

  • Secrecy/Concealing to “protect” the church: Hiding the truth will NEVER bring freedom. God says HE builds His church and the gates of Hell will not prevail against it. He does NOT need us colluding with the enemy through secrecy, shame, and cover-up in the name of “protecting the church.” Never follow the enemy’s tactics to “build” God’s church. You will do the opposite.

  • Scapegoating/Blaming: You’ll experience very real pain and betrayal in these days, but do your best not to short-circuit your grief by pinning this all on a person/persons. We have ONE enemy, and ONE Savior, and it matters that we keep that clear in our pain.

  • Jumping to Judgment, which adds to everyone’s suffering, and obscures the truth that will set you free.

  • Assuming you understand the depth and direction of your pain. You don’t.

  • Denial/Minimizing: This trauma is bigger and deeper than you understand. Resist the urge to make it smaller so you can get through it faster.

  •  

 

Building Blocks/Hand Holds:

  • This wasn’t a surprise to God. - “God would surely have known it, for he knows the secrets of every heart.” ~Psalm 44:21

  • His light brings healing… it’s better that it’s known and in the light. - “For all that is secret will eventually be brought into the open, and everything that is concealed will be brought to light and made known to all.” Luke 8:17; “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32)

  • You’re not alone. Our Savior chose to be the Man of Sorrows – He understands your shock, pain, betrayal, and grief. - “I will never leave you or forsake you.” Joshua 1:5

  • Our foundation is in the One who is faithful and true – One who will never betray us or lie to us or sin against us.

  • God knows the way to the other side – trust Him & let Him lead you step by step, day by day. - “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” ~2 Cor 12:9

TRANSITION

Months 2-6

After the initial days have passed, the church – and the people left in the wake of the heartbreaking news – and it becomes clear that this nightmare isn’t going away. It happened, and new systems and steps are needed as people catch their breath and enter at various speed and stages into the grieving/healing process. The first few weeks are SWAT team coverage; now it’s time to define the new normal. Now that the initial shock is over, it’s time for to establish new operating systems, potentially new leadership, and a caring, safe environment for people at every stage to begin to face the deeper wounds from this trauma.



Rallying Cry at this Phase:

  • God’s got us, He’s with us, and He will show us the way through.

  • Don’t stop short of thorough, redemptive healing.

  • Let LOVE lead the way.


Needs:

  • Help to establish new church systems: governance, teachers, leadership, as necessary. Samples of how other churches have approached this trauma-succession would be helpful, as well as denominational/leadership counsel. What are the roles that have been vacated? What is next?

  • A systematic approach to facilitate deeper probing into the hurt and loss so that real forgiveness and healing can begin (triage, elder prayer, on-going meetings with your people, resources/discussion guides for your small groups to work through (add charts)). Based you your church’s level of enmeshment and connectedness, the scope of what’s needed will vary.

  • Clarifying and communicating the brokenness that actually happened: the reality of Pastoral Abuse of Power and the buried brokenness that inevitably comes along with surface sin. This will be a painful process, but there is never just surface sin – there is always buried, residual brokenness in other areas. Sin cannot and does not stay contained. Communicating these realities really matters.

  • Helping people forgive and cut unhealthy ties to the pastor. How people forgive, appropriately cut ties, get distinct, get care IS important. Caring for the needs of the pastor is not the same. This is the responsibility of the denomination and care for him and his family is best left in their hands. (Is there somewhere we can point people to get help with that?)


Detours:

  • The enemy will try to stall out the excavation and healing process any way he can. It is imperative that Godly people are positioned at every tier of those impacted to help this healing be thorough, Christ-like, and complete. He can strike at many points. People can often:          

    • Get stuck in the uncovering of the deeper wounds. This can keep you from the healing that God wants to bring, and lure you toward unforgiveness, giving a foothold for the enemy to plant lies and take advantage of your wounds.

    • Skim past the trauma – wanting to give a quick pass, and hope it all goes away, leaving it undealt with and unhealed. They’ll need help actually process the pain to the degree they want to.

    • Lose sight of who the real enemy is and who the real Savior is. Satan is our enemy – not a person. Vilifying the pastor or the victim will not aid in the healing process; it is a decoy that will add more pain and slow down true healing. At the same time, no one person – the pastor, a new pastor, people who “saw it coming”, a SWAT team member – no one can make things right but JESUS. His gentle shepherding through this process is necessary for full healing.

    • We can stop short or stay stuck or turn people to villains – and none of those things will help. Stay ALERT in prayer.

  • It may feel easy and justified to blame the victim – but nothing could be further from reality. Whether she knows it or not, she’s been abused by the person she trusted the most, and she and her family need the church to bring love, grace, and healing to their shattered hearts. RESIST the urge to distance or blame; step forward in kindness. You don’t have to know what to say – just step forward in kindness. You’d be surprised at the crushing weight of guilt and shame that has fallen on her world; let the stones fall from your hands and let her hear from you that she is not alone.

  • The mantra “everyone sins”/“everyone is human” is a detour, as well. Jesus takes abuse and wounding the flock very seriously. There is a difference between an immoral choice and an abuse of pastoral power. Jesus differentiated this Himself in Luke 17:2 when He said “It would be better for them to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble.” Beware of excusing a pastor’s sin casually – this is a grievous offense to the church and to the Lord.


Building Blocks/Hand Holds:

  • God’s light brings healing… it’s better that it’s known and in the light. (matrix)

  • You’re not alone. Our Savior chose to be the Man of Sorrows – He understands your shock, pain, betrayal, and grief.

  • God’s path is one of forgiveness. Don’t stop short of dealing honestly and completely with the wrongs that have been done to you and to the church.

  • Kindness matters. Beyond what we understand about who did what right or wrong – let kindness win.

  • Let LOVE mark this whole process.

  • God knows the way to the other side – trust Him & let Him lead you step by step, day by day.

  • Gentle shepherding and dealing with the truth for all tiers – from the families and staff members at ground zero to occasional attenders of your church. They’ll need space to grieve, safety to process, elders to shepherd and forge the path forward in worship

  • Immediate support and care for all tiers of those impacted.

  • Immediate steps for care and restoration of the victim needs to be set in place. Rely on help from those who’ve gone this way before. (This is help we can offer.)

  • Coordinated plan for the pastor’s restoration with the denomination.

  • Understanding of key reality of the inherent power differential… the Abuse of Pastoral Power. For all the pain & wounds that have hit their lives, this isn’t an affair.

  • Initial SWAT care: meals for victim, another church for the pastor, KNOWING support to help both families; space and care for inner circle; counseling provided for victim, her family, and inner circle.

A NEW REALITY

Months 6 - Year 2

The dust has settled. In many ways the old things are gone and the new systems are getting their bearings. You made it! Or so it seems.

 

In this next phase it’s easy to coast and take a break and assume that everyone is fine. And while catching your breath from the trauma is vital, it is essential to handle needs during this season to increase the chances of long-term healing and church health.

 

Rallying Cry during this phase: It’s okay to still not be okay; and How are you… really?

 

Needs:

  • The transitional systems need re-evaluation – is this best long-haul for the health and mission of the church? Begin the process of evaluating and gently making shifts where needed. What is working? What was a band aid?

  • Consistent follow-up with everyone in the top 4 tiers of the trauma. This needs to be personal, prescriptive, and knowing follow-up. How is counseling/healing going for those who were most traumatized? In this phase, it’s time to broaden your sites beyond the obviously hurting - Is there anyone who was close in that you missed? A systematic approach to caring follow-up matters greatly at this level – every six months or so. Communicating to your people that you don’t “wish they were just over it” – and that their pain/loss really matters to God and to you. Is there any lingering unforgiveness? Is it time to revisit their healing? Scripture talks clearly about settling accounts before coming to the table for communion – it may be time to gently help people take care of their relationships so that their Relationship with God is freed up.

  • Cultivate a healthy church culture - where people’s voices can be heard and valued, where boundaries are wisely upheld and valued, where people are safe to trust and follow Jesus. Book studies (emotionally healthy spirituality, boundaries, soul repair, etc.), sermon series, support groups can all play a role in helping people resist the enemies roadblocks to healing, tear down the wrong systems we integrated into our faith, and rebuild a healthy, vibrant culture of faith.

  • If it hasn’t already happened in the Transition phase, shake the trees of every church system and relationship. Is there unhealth lurking? Dysfunctional relating patterns? Other abuses that were at play that didn’t seem obvious at the time? Where has Pastoral Abuse of Power been at play in outlying, unsuspecting areas? Again, resist every urge to communicate that you just wish this were all over – really ask for honest answers about the health (or lack thereof) of teams/systems/relationships.

  • Gentle, kind restoration of the victim – allowing her to find her footing, surrounded by a team of people who will lovingly, gently, tenaciously help her get to Jesus and to healing. Create safe spaces to find community, ways to find her voice, places to experience grace.

  • Make things right: it’s time for horizontal accountability and healing.

    • If the church leadership was complicit in the dysfunctional system, they should apologize to the church, the victim, the denomination – even the pastor, if they played a role in his downfall.

    • If the victim wounded people while under the influence of her pastor, when her heart has recovered, gently allow a time and space where she can own whatever part is hers to own. *This has GOT to be in the context of thorough communication and understanding that this was NOT an affair, and that she suffered devastating abuse.*

    • If the pastor is at a place of understanding an owning his abuse and sin, it may be beneficial to have him offer an apology in writing or in person to those impacted by his sin. *This implies that he is OWNING his sin; if not, this will not bring healing. This also cannot happen apart from wise, knowing leadership, accountability and authority of the denomination.*

    • It is important that these times of repentance and reconciliation be marked by TRUTH – if there is lying, a lack of true repentance, or a lack of understanding of the reality of Pastor Spiritual/Sexual Abuse, this will be only partially helpful – and potentially harmful.

    • The victim and her family have suffered beyond their understanding. The layers of deception, manipulation, grooming, and coercion are thick and will take time to heal. The denomination and the church should cover the counseling expenses of the victim and play any role possible to see her and her family brought to full healing.

  • Often the pursuit of “fruit” has excused the wrong treatment of people. Instead, cultivate HUMILITY and the fruit of the Spirit at every turn.

 

Detours:

  • It will be incredibly tempting to just wish that this whole thing is over and healed and done with. Don’t bite. Be sure to take care of yourself after the trauma, but be aware that the enemy isn’t done with your church or your people. Don’t stop short of full healing.

  • When a trauma occurs, the obviously wounded get immediate care. Often, those with secondary trauma get overlooked and their wounds linger, untended. After things die down, you have to pay attention to that group of people – including those who may have been strong at first, or were part of the triage team. They will need your help. Now that the initial months are over, ask the Lord for eyes to see those who are in this later wave. Ask those who were closer in to ground zero who might have been unknowingly wounded by the trauma or the pursuant culture. Then pursue them with your kindness, offers of help and prayer. Your kindness will go a long way.

  • Becoming self-absorbed. Even as we have to pay attention to the hurting among us, becoming self- or trauma-absorbed isn’t healthy, either. Serve your community; reach out to your neighbors; show radical, accepting love. Be about OTHERS – it’ll help healing.

​

Building Blocks/Hand Holds:

  • Don’t despise the Lord’s discipline – even as a church. He is loving the church – and each person in this journey – with His correction, healing, and rebuilding. Embrace His discipline and choose humility.

  • Humility is key. Exercise it, embrace it, facilitate it.

bottom of page