Unintended Consequences

I ran into someone dear to me recently who has walked through a difficult and painful church experience. My heart was flooded with compassion hearing more of their family's story. They weren't in the center of the heartbreaking spiritual or sexual abuse that was uncovered, but they loved their church and their community—and it fell apart.

Hearing the story of their teenage daughter losing her friend group in the aftermath of abuse made my heart ache and it held familiar echoes. Watching my own children grapple with losing their friends, along with so many adults who had poured into them, was heart-wrenching. Their disappointment, confusion, and grief—like that of so many of their friends—felt like collateral damage.

Their disappointment, confusion, and grief—like that of so many of their friends—felt like collateral damage.

But the wounds that come to us in this sinful, broken world are anything but collateral damage. They are not incidental to our Father in heaven. He knows and He sees.

Whatever you have walked through, it matters to the heart of God. His word says, "He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged." - Isaiah 42:3 (niv)

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Does a pastor who wields his position and power for his own gratification/self-promotion consider his sin's impact on you? The next generation? Their relationships? Their capacity to trust? Their faith? Your own?

Is the harm that comes intended?

The consequences of sin, intended or not, are far-reaching. A pastor exploiting someone's deep desire for connection or a faith that's alive and active, or playing on their desire to live with purpose—leaves victims confused, consumed, bewildered, and unable to trust. And sometimes it just leaves them without the friends and community they once loved.

In Ezekiel 34:10, God says this about such shepherds, "I will rescue my flock from their mouths; the sheep will no longer be their prey."

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As he was being led to his death in Luke 23, Jesus prayed, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” He understood far better than we do the ramifications of our sin.

“Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.”

I remember praying that prayer with Jesus in the weeks and months after I began to understand the abuse and control present in culture I'd been a part of. My abuser could not fully know the depth of the harm he had caused. And honestly, neither could the rest of us. We were all walking around in the wreckage of what felt like broken glass everywhere. And the shards that clung to us sometimes cut each other, too.

But in good news, our choices on the other side of abuse—our willingness to humble ourselves, to deal honestly with our pain and enter into the difficult work of forgiveness, to heal and to grow—and when appropriate, to step into the miracle of reconciliation—these also have the potential for unintended consequences. 

And those consequences can be beautiful.

And those consequences can be beautiful.

A friend shared recently that one of their adult children pointed to the ways their parents have lived out their faith in the aftermath of spiritual abuse as compelling evidence of the truth of God's power and goodness.

It was stunning.

We each get to agree with Jesus in the gentle, kind work of healing in our lives. Whatever your journey has looked like so far, consider what a next step might look like for you. Courageous steps might include joining a support group, reading the words in red, or talking with someone who’s walked a similar path. You might pray blessing over those who’ve harmed you, see a counselor, try new practices of faith, or ask Him to shepherd you through more forgiveness work.

Allowing Him to restore us and help us forgive from the heart brings freedom and joy. It makes room for Jesus to develop more of His character and the fruit of His Spirit in us. And His fruit will have lasting ripple effects in the lives of those around us. Love, joy, peace, and hope are possible. And when they show up in our lives, they stand out—they're infectious.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment." - Romans 5:3-5a (nlt)